Dementia and Time Travel: Think VERA
- The Good Company People
- Sep 30
- 4 min read
One of the common experiences people talk about in dementia is what we call time travel. This is when someone’s sense of time shifts and they believe they are living in a different part of their life.
They may ask for their mum who died many years ago. They may put on a suit ready for work even though they retired long ago. They may say they need to collect the children who are now grown up. Or they may want to go back to the house where they lived as a child.
For carers, these moments can be confusing and painful. You may feel torn between being honest and being kind. Saying “your mum has died” can cause fresh grief as if the person is hearing the news for the first time. Pretending she has just popped out can feel dishonest, especially if your relationship has always been built on truth. Neither option feels right.
This can be incredibly distressing as they may experience the response as new, painful information each time its given or it may lead to more confusion thinking their Mum will be coming back home.
In one of our masterclasses, dementia specialist Sue Hinds shared a technique called VERA that can help. It gives carers a way to comfort and reassure without confrontation, and without having to step fully into another version of reality. Some people call this “ethical lying,” but VERA is not about lying. It is about focusing on feelings rather than facts, offering comfort, and gently redirecting in a way that eases distress.
VERA is not the lady on TV, but a simple method originally designed to help student nurses communicate better with people living with dementia. Today it is widely used by carers and families too.
What is VERA?
The letters stand for Validation, Emotion, Reassurance and Activity. Each step builds on the one before. The key is to go slowly and give the person time to respond. Sometimes they may adjust their own reality once they feel heard and supported.
Validation
Acknowledge what the person has said and reflect back their words.
Focus on the feeling, not the facts.
Example: “You want to go home? You do not want to be here anymore? Tell me a bit more about home.”
By doing this, the person knows they are being listened to. It also gives you clues about what point in their life they may have travelled back to.
Emotion
Show that you understand how they are feeling. Respond to the emotion behind the words.
Example: “It sounds like you are missing that place. It must have felt special.”
This builds on validation and helps you gently redirect without denying what they are experiencing.
Reassurance
Give comfort that eases anxiety. Avoid phrases like “don’t worry” or “calm down,” which can feel dismissive.
Example: “You are safe here. I am with you.”
Reassurance works best when it is specific and warm. It reduces distress without creating unnecessary confusion.
Activity Offer something that provides a sense of purpose or comfort. This can divert the person’s thoughts and ease distress.
Ideas include:
Keeping familiar and comforting items nearby, such as photo albums, favourite music or a familiar blanket.
Looking through old pictures or sharing memories about the person they are asking for.
Making a cup of tea together.
Offering gentle physical comfort if it feels right, such as holding hands or a hug.
Keeping routines steady so life feels predictable and safe.
Tips for Carers
Have a few gentle responses ready so you are not caught off guard.
Focus on feelings rather than facts.
Be patient and kind, even if you have had the same conversation many times.
Take breaks when you can, so you have the energy to let things go and go with the flow.
Remember
You are not alone in facing this. Many carers find time travel moments challenging, and it is okay not to get it right every time. What matters most is that the person you care for feels heard, safe and supported.
As one carer told us: “It is not about tricking the person I love. It is about finding a kinder way to respond, so we can both feel calmer.”
Sue has created a short crib sheet with the VERA steps that you can print and keep handy. ❤️
If you are interested in joining our next dementia carer training or in joining one of our support groups, call 07472 564519 or email hello@thegoodcompanypeople.org.
Communication Matters
Time travel is only one example of how dementia changes communication. What often stays the same is the need to be listened to, valued and understood. Even if words get lost, feelings do not. Tone of voice, eye contact, touch and patience all communicate care.
If you are not sure what to say, silence is not a failure. Simply sitting together, holding a hand, or sharing music can say more than words.
For more ideas, take a look at our Know How article Why Music Matters, which explains how music can open up connection and joy even when conversation is hard.
Sue Hinds has been part of The Good Company People’s specialist advisory team since the very beginning. She is an HCPC registered Speech and Language Therapist with specialist expertise in adult mental health and dementia. Sue also leads her own organisation, Enriched Communication, which you can find out more about here. This article was updated and republished from an earlier version in October 2024
